2025, a recap

December came and went without this post taking shape. It passed quickly, in that familiar end-of-year blur.

I opened a blank page more than once, stared at the blinking cursor, typed a line or two, and closed it again. I put off writing this year’s recap post for longer than usual — not because of resistance or procrastination, but more out of a sense that I didn’t yet know what shape it needed to take. There’s nothing dramatic in that.

Just like last year and the year before that, if I had to choose a couple of (key)words for 2025, it would be resilience and patience. Mostly patience.

I’ve noticed how much more comfortable I’ve become sitting with my feelings, and how differently I relate to patience, more generally. Not stating this in any grand or triumphant fashion, more in the quieter way of continuing to show up, keeping things moving, and doing what needed to be done.

What held

Some things held this year. Showing up when needed. Keeping things moving even on days when motivation was low. Routines I didn’t overthink.

A few folks stayed constant too, and I’m deeply grateful to them for that. Their presence and support mattered, and I learned a great deal from them. It never felt like something I had to earn or manage; it was just there.

I also stayed fairly consistent with my workouts this year. I didn’t have any major goals attached. Just movement, routine, and the reassurance of doing something for myself most days. It helped channel a lot of built-up restlessness and internalisation.

Some practical changes helped as well. Having my own car still feels good — fewer dependencies, more control over when and how I move through the city. I didn’t use it as much as I might have (especially with regard to my commute), partly because heavy traffic feels overwhelming to me, but even having the option made a difference.

The motorcycle I bought offered something different, in its own way. Short rides that cleared my head. A sense of movement that wasn’t about getting anywhere quickly, just about being present — especially during early mornings or late nights.

Building on last year, I continued putting some distance between myself and social media this year. Small joys, intentionally so. I still dip into watching reels now and then mostly to switch my brain off for a bit, but it no longer feels like something I need to keep up with.

It hasn’t all been easy, and I probably haven’t always handled things gracefully. But I do feel like I’m growing. Not by hardening, but by learning how to stay with things a little longer than I used to.

What frayed

Some things frayed around the edges this year. Nothing too major — just enough to feel. Energy wasn’t always where I wanted it to be, and certain efforts asked for more than they gave back. There were a lot of moments when I felt stretched thin, even if I didn’t always name it that way at the time.

Some days took more out of me than I expected, especially in social or work settings. I didn’t always understand why in the moment — only that I needed more recovery than usual.

Travel was one of the things that didn’t quite find its place this year. I traveled less than I would have liked, and it quietly slipped out of reach.

Reading became harder to sustain this year, especially on days when focus felt thin. I managed to finish a few longer books, but the rhythm around reading was slower and a bit fragmented.

I noticed the same pattern elsewhere. My workouts weren’t the reliable reset I hoped they would be. Some weeks they carried me; other weeks they asked for more energy than my body had to give.

I’m learning to notice those signs earlier now. To read tiredness / exhaustion not as failure, but as information. To slow down without needing a major reason.

Even so, I notice that I haven’t lost a certain sense of hope and optimism. It would be easy to become more cynical, or to harden around all of this — but that hasn’t happened. I am very aware of how easily that could shift, and I don’t take it for granted.

What shifted (or is shifting)

One subtle shift this year was how I respond to myself in the middle of things. I don’t rush to resolve or explain my feelings as quickly as I used to. There’s more room to pause, to sit with uncertainty, and to let things unfold without immediately trying to make sense of them.

Another shift this year was learning to rebuild confidence in small, uneven ways. Not all at once, and not without doubt — but gradually, when things felt hard or unclear.

I’ve also become more accepting of things being unfinished — thoughts that don’t land cleanly, days that don’t add up, feelings that pass without clarity. I don’t see that as something to fix anymore. If anything, it feels like a kind of trust and a belief that I’m learning to live with.

What I’m open to

Lately, I’ve felt a pull toward making more space for the things that help me feel awake and engaged. I want to return to generative art — not with any expectations around output or consistency, but simply for the act of making and experimenting again.

I want to write a lot more too, letting words exist without always needing them to resolve into something tidy or finished. I shared a draft post or two this year, but want to share some more interesting stuff from my Notes.

I’m also open to travelling more, even if it’s slow or unplanned. Moving through unfamiliar places has a way of resetting my perspective, and I’ve missed that a lot.

More than anything, I’m interested in living a bit more deliberately. Stepping into moments instead of watching them pass by. Making room for curiosity, movement, and expression. I don’t want to make any grand promises or resolutions. I’m trusting that this, in itself, is enough of a direction for now.